When Siblings Become Friends

{ Photo credit: Through Laura’s Lens }

Once when I was 12 my older sister, Megan, was preparing for prom, which was a few weeks out. Her closest friends had come over to try on dresses together and talk hair, nails, and makeup. I will never forget the three of them standing there in their full gowns made of white taffeta with pink candy stripe puff sleeves and ruffle pickups at the bottom (yes all three of them wore the same dress). The part that stands out the most though is the fact that they had decided every girl in their group should wear tube socks…taken of course from brothers. They were full of hopes and dreams I hadn’t yet even imagined. She was quickly becoming my guide to the outside world I wasn’t allowed to even window shop in. 

Our journey to becoming friends wasn’t hard but there is a six year age gap and anyone that has children with a significant age gap knows the disconnect this can have. There were definitely life circumstances that pulled us together. When we were little there would be really hard months when the heaters were turned off at night (I lived in Washington then, so don’t panic winters there aren’t the same). My sister and I would fill 2 liter bottles with hot water than place them in the bottom of our blankets, and pretzel ourselves around each other for body heat. I was so used to this level of snuggles that when I met my boyfriend I couldn’t understand his need to be separated at night… he suffers from only child syndrome, I am one of seven. 

I once asked Megan to teach my friend and I how to do makeup. There was strict rules in our house about when I could wear makeup and I had gotten in trouble several times for not understanding no meant no. So she did my friends first and it was 80’s awesome, next was my turn. I sat with my eyes closed for the big reveal and waited with great anticipation. I thought the movements of pencils over my face felt odd but I trusted so I waited. The reveal showed a bright blue line drawn top to bottom down the middle of my face with some clown looking eyes, it was a good ten years before I would ever seek her advice for makeup again. It was a reminder that we were siblings first and sisters second and there’s a difference. My brothers had no problem keeping our relationship in sibling status, pranksters at all times. Megan on the other hand ebbed and flowed. There was the time I had gotten a precious weekend with my bestie at her family cabin and I came home to find that the bird I had asked her to care for had been released into the wild. She was notorious for leaving windows and doors open and our animals were always missing. 

When I had my own children and lived in Duluth our relationship became what sisters are made of. There were daily phone calls, moments of mothering panic, and trusted conversations. We were four states away but closer than ever before. I needed her more than I could have ever known. It was as I was having babies that our youngest sister (nine years younger than me) was beginning to need sisters and not siblings. She would get the benefit of two older sisters. Also she wouldn’t have to suffer some of the same tortures like clown makeup and dead birds. 

As I watch my life reflected in my kids and wonder if we’ve given them all they need to survive on their own, I’m encouraged by the way their relationship together has progressed. They are two years apart and grew up as twins almost. Our daughter was always easily matched with her older brother and so we generally gave her freedoms sooner than we had with our son. They were always close and then they merged into the teen years and a darkness fell over us. Our children had escaped into portals of unfamiliar territory and they didn’t go through the same door together. Gone were the days of sharing, understanding, compassion, and patience. It was all replaced with sharp tones, bruised pride, and eye rolling to the nines. It’s also when “he won’t stop poking me!” became a daily occurrence. I always knew however that one day it would change again, there would be a switch. I feel like this past year we’ve seen that occur. These two are at a place of wanting to be around each other. I will often walk into a room to find them giggling together and being sincere with one another. Don’t get me wrong, there are still moments of poking and unending annoyances usually by our son, but there’s great moments of laughter and compassion. 

It’s important to me that my children have a good relationship, because in the hardest of times they’ll need each other. They’ll need one another when they get married, and when they have kids. They’ll want each other when the holidays roll around every year to create more memories. As a mama, I want so much for them, but I value the bond of sibling friendships to a very high level.