Whether you have been married for 1 year or 50 years, one thing you learn immediately is your spouse is not a mind reader. Through dating and marriage, my husband and I have been together for over half of our lives, giving me an unrealistic expectation that he should always know where my head is at. He truly does know me better than anyone, yet there are times when I find myself questioning “doesn’t he get it?”. Of course he doesn’t, he is not inside my ticking time bomb of a brain.
See, what I wish my husband could comprehend is all of the little things I do on a daily basis that keeps our family running on a smooth schedule. Such as what it’s like to grocery shop with children in tow. The arguments over which cart to get and where each child will sit. Whether they will sit or walk. Whether they want to be buckled or unbuckled. All while trying to ensure I get everything we need. It never fails that I forget something. Every. Single. Time.
I wish my husband knew how frustrating it is to deal with utility, repair, and cable companies. I recently spent 8, yes 8 four-hour blocks of time waiting for the technician to deal with a squealing dishwasher. That’s on top of the numerous calls to customer service, which always involve being put on hold.
Keeping a clean house requires daily effort. It’s irritating to find dishes in the sink after I just cleaned up the kitchen. Or piles of papers and shoes in the mudroom. Is it really that hard to put things in the cubbies? There are five people in our household and I think I’m the only one who takes the time to put shoes in the appropriate cubbies.
I wish he knew that I don’t like saying “no” a bazillion times a day. It’s utterly exhausting but my hope is that I’m instilling morals and values as well as defining limits for my children.
That I’m jealous that he gets to be the “yes man”. When I just can’t utter the word “no” another time, I send the children to him so that I don’t have to bend my own rules.
Yet I hate when my husband says “go ask your mother”. After 182 “no” responses today, the 183rd is too much. Can’t he just tell them “no”, why do I have to do it?
That just one day I want him to say “I’ve got this. Go take 2 hours to yourself.” Even though I love my children with all of my heart, I need breaks. Plural. And I wish he was clairvoyant to know the perfect time to utter those magical words.
I need him to know that the times I snap at him for something as little as leaving his socks on the couch have nothing to do with the socks. It’s that I am worn out from a long day of being a parent and just need a little assistance.
But I wish my husband understood that my parenting switch never gets to shut off. Even when I am exhausted from a stressful day filled with time outs, my brain will not quit. I lie in bed rehashing the day, what I could have done differently, how I will adapt the next time, on top of all the things I need to accomplish tomorrow.
All of these wishes are just little frustrations that I carry. They are the growing pains of learning to be a parent and continue being a partner simultaneously. And I know that, while different, he has his own grievances (and his list might be longer than mine!). So what I really wish my husband knew is that I see him.
I see him work long hours to provide for our family. Long hours that often keep him from kissing our children good night. Shifts that require him to work holidays, miss social events, birthday parties, and impromptu get-togethers with friends and family.
I see him emotionally drained from the life-altering decisions he makes each and every shift at the hospital. There is no way I can ever comprehend what that pressure is like but I wish he knew how much I admire his will to help others. That I understand while my parenting switch never shuts off, neither does his patient switch.
My husbands needs to know that while I get angry when he picks up extra shifts when we’ve barely seen him the past month, I know it’s because he wants more for his children than he had.
I see that the reason the shoes are left in the middle of the mud room floor or the socks on the couch is because after being on his feet for 12 hours straight with no breaks, there is no energy left to tidy up.
I see him exhausted but yet takes the time to pillow fight with the girls. The giggles and squeals make my heart happy and I realize my frustrations are petty. These are the important moments in life.
That the reason he sends the children to me for things is because my husband is conscious of the fact that I run my household in a particular way and he does not want to interfere with my well established guidelines.
I want him to know that even though I slap away a wandering hand while I am doing dishes in the kitchen, the fact that he still desires me after almost 17 years of marriage delights me.
Lastly I want him to know that marrying him is the best decision I have made. No one else could love me as completely and openly as he does. He is an incredible husband and father. I wish that I would take the time to recognize and remind him of that each and every day.