Confessions from a Really Real Housewife, Stepmom & Baby Mama

Confessions from a Really Real Housewife, Stepmom & Baby Mama | Duluth Moms Blog

{Photo credit: Jill Kari Photography}

Mama Said

In the beginning when I first got pregnant, as planned, on the first try, I thought I knew it all. I was clearly already on track for a perfect pregnancy to raise a perfect child and be my child’s perfect mother. I wrote in a journal about it everyday. My birth plan was bullet proof. I didn’t need an epidural and definitely wasn’t going to have a C-section. I didn’t even buy bottles because…duh I was going to be the best breastfeeder. I had the best stroller and a perfect bassinet.

Well guess what. I didn’t know anything. I definitely ended up getting an epidural, barely in time. Breastfeeding? Didn’t work out so hot for either of us and sent me more into postpartum depression because I couldn’t. The stroller? It was a pain in the butt to operate and I watched a lot of YouTube videos on how to work it from many parking lots, with a fussy baby still in her carseat and me in tears. Oh and that bassinet? HAHAHAHA my daughter hated it.

Are you ready for this?

Fast forward four years. You guys. Laundry. I do it, I do it all day long sometimes, but I’m definitely a “C student” in this area especially when it comes to my husband’s and stepson’s clothes. Sometimes I want to yell, “Take your stinky Lululemon and fancy flannels and your golf shirts and stick them where I can never see them again!” What are they making these new clothes out of? If I don’t use a specific setting on my washer and dryer (aka the one that takes the longest) or have time to be right by the dryer when its done, I can forget that I even did the laundry because its more wrinkly than when it went in. And ironing this space material? Low heat or no heat. Fantastic, like I have time for that? I could literally be in a cotton commercial with how much I appreciate cotton. 

We are Family

Family dinners. Picture it. Me deciding in the morning what to make for dinner that will satisfy at least 4/5 of the people in my house. Then prepping dinner after I pick my oldest up from school and then try to engage the little girls in helping with dinner, when they quickly realize it’s not that fun and move on to something else. “Dinner is ready!” I sing with excitement and then look at the puzzled faces wondering if they have to eat what I’ve made or if there is a magical food fairy coming to give them each what they were hoping to eat that night. I always make enough for five and sometimes enough for leftovers. Now that our teenager is driving, he usually just eats Chipotle, but forgets to mention it and every time comes home full.  Then all I hear from his little sisters is, “Why didn’t he have to eat his chicken?” Oh! And my favorite is when I mention early what we are having for dinner and my husband wants to make sure I got the recipe from his mother. (To his credit, I’d rather be eating her food too.) Ironically, if I was single and childless, I’d be eating peas or just having popcorn for dinner, or having soup for lunch and dinner for weeks. So at least I’m getting nutrition and variety out of the deal. 

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

The secret is out! My husband and I have sex. I know, weird right? Well in the last (almost eight) years of being married, I thought my husband and I did a pretty a good job of being sneaky and/or fairly conservative when it comes to our private life. I mean, going braless around my house is a rarity for me, let’s say a luxury, and I might just burn my bras when my stepson goes to college. What I’m getting at is that we aren’t a family that’s walking around naked or being gropey in front of all our kids. So, a few weeks back when my stepson texted my husband late one night after we had…you know, I felt completely fine and did not feel embarrassed or ashamed at all. Which was the opposite reaction of my husband who, no doubt, felt bad for his son having been recently traumatized by the fact that his parents are people too, and who happen to like each other. Listen I get it. Is it a little awkward? Of course. But, get over it. We pay the mortgage and by the way (we have two kids together so this isn’t our first rodeo). You have fancy headphones and a TV in your room. Voila.

No Sleep Till Brooklyn

Now that my youngest children are sleeping soundly through the night…I’m not. Insomnia has gotten ahold of me and it is as maddening as much as it is awesome. Maddening because I’m tired and I know I need rest but awesome because I actually get alone time and a lot of work done. Moms: When you hear your kids complain about being tired, how do you respond? I used to get agitated but now I just laugh and laugh (probably caused by my insomnia-induced hysteria). I used to sleep through anything and now the sound of breathing can keep me awake. I’d love to just take Ambien and wear ear plugs but then I wouldn’t be able to be alert in case of one of my kids needed me at 3:15am. My husband isn’t waking up for that, bless his soundly  sleeping heart.

Shout

“You know you make me wanna shout!” You know the song. Well sadly actual shouting was a big part of my life for about a year and a half. I got angry at my oldest daughter a lot. The stress from that sometimes even led to my husband and I shouting at each other about shouting. I was embarrassed at losing my temper and letting a two-year old get the best of me. That is a real confession and one I sought some spiritual help for. I’m still not perfect and I can still get overwhelmed by my own emotions but when I feel like shouting I know I need a timeout myself. 

My Girl

Or in my case, “My Girls.” Somehow I have already screwed up our four-year old daughter because the other day she told me she doesn’t want to be a mom when she grows up. She said, “I want to be a dad, being a mom seems really hard.” Hold on. Can we go back? Being a mom is great, I promise!! Kids say the darnedest things, and one should always try not to take them too personally (I say to myself while a tear rolls down my cheek). And my two-year old? Well, she’s still in my bubble at home and I kind of want to keep her like that until she’s 107. She is finally starting to use more words but still not taking interest to the whole potty training bit. I’m not pushing her like I pushed my first on everything. I know how THAT turned out. My youngest is testing out the terrible two’s, like when she poured an entire box of cereal out on the floor, and instead of getting mad, I took a video of her. Or when she had a mouth full of milk and wanted to see what it would look like if she spit it all over the mirror in my room and said, ” Look mama,” I did look, and then I quietly went to go clean it up and she put herself in time out. With my first there would have been yelling, I guarantee it. You live and you hopefully learn, right? I don’t listen to many people anymore regarding my children. If I taught a birth class it would highlight that tip among many, many other underrated tips which will be my next blog post. 

Crazy In Love

I love my family. Super grateful for the awesome and sometimes heavy responsibility of being a housewife, stepmom and baby mama. Sometimes I complain about my kids. Sometimes I get judged for it, especially if I complain or feel resentful towards my non-biological man child. Until I had kids of my own, I felt very guilty for feeling this way. The thing is, everybody gets frustrated with their children, spouses, even roommates. We are people. I didn’t want to be the evil stepmother, we get branded right away you know (there’s a ceremony)… haha.  Here’s my true confession. All my kids drive me crazy equally, just on different days and different ways. No one is left out. And I love them all fiercely with a mama bear love and they know it.

One Response to Confessions from a Really Real Housewife, Stepmom & Baby Mama

  1. Yvonne February 24, 2017 at 10:39 am #

    Hi Kati,
    Loved your blog. You are so healthy writing your feelings. I am at this moment listening to my 1 year old granddaughter cry herself to sleep. Her Momrocks her…but that didn’t seem to help. Tony and Alaina have six kids (he has custody of the three from his first marriage). Then Hugo 4, Louie3, and Audrey 1. I don’t babysit much anymore…..too much!! The others are 15, 13, and 11. Live them all to the moon and back….and I spoil them rotten!! Thanks again for sharing….you will be loved by many many mothers! Hugs, Yvonne