I’m In Love With A Stranger That I Call My Husband

The first time the thought ever crossed my mind it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am in love with my husband, but he now feels like a stranger. How did we get here? My mind retraced our steps through the last two years. I’ll never forget my husband’s expression when the ultrasound tech told us our first born would be a girl. His complexion now paler, had a way of blankness yet terrified anticipation to it. This was it. This was real. We would be protecting and keeping this challenging yet beautiful baby alive without a clue in the world. Everything was about to change… and not like getting a new hairstyle. This little girl was going to completely shatter our old lives and rock our world as we gained the title of “parent.” A wave of new fears and emotions had blanketed over us.

I'm In Love With A Stranger That I Call My Husband | Duluth Moms Blog

I'm In Love With A Stranger That I Call My Husband | Duluth Moms Blog{Photo Credit: Kellie Rae Photography}

Fast forward five months when our daughter came earth side, the man I knew and loved as my husband now had a completely strange and unfamiliar demeanor about him. His focus was shifted. Now he would always be worried about her needs and troubles, even if that meant that sometimes they would come before my own. The hard times were starting to feel endless. We would now argue at times of whose idea of parenting was the right one to instill in our daughter. It took me a few months postpartum to realize we were both now in love with strangers.

My free spirit now had been grounded, now always planning and scheduling things for our little girl. We were no longer the couple that could go out for happy hour every Friday night. We couldn’t max out our credit cards and travel the world at the drop of a dime. No, now our world revolved and sheltered our new addition. Our date nights became far and few between because we let them. His nights spent in the garage getting covered in motor oil were now sparse. Parts of his happiness were dwindling and I could feel it too. We were used to maintaining our own happiness, but suddenly and instantly we started putting our tiny humans before our own. Every relationship faces an unfamiliar set of strategic tests when it enters parenthood; ours felt like climbing Mount Everest together.

It took a while, but in time we remembered that if someone offers to give us time together to always accept. We learned that after having kids, our marriage needed more work and focus than it ever had before. Things weren’t just going to fall into place. We urge to learn and grow from each other. I have to constantly remind myself not to let negative feelings brew inside of me. I needed to remember to try to give him the best of myself, not the broken pieces left after giving the world the best of me each day. I remind myself we are much better parents when we are in it together as a team, not against each other like enemies.

We needed to be reminded to fill our own cups when we were feeling like we had nothing left to pour. We brainstormed a strategy where he would get one night a week to focus on himself, while I got one night to do the same. If it worked for our family, we were going to work it. If things came up and we needed to void our nights every once in a while we would not stress. We try to put in the extra effort to maintain our passions we had before we kids, before we became stranger versions of ourselves.

I'm In Love With A Stranger That I Call My Husband | Duluth Moms Blog

My husband and I are still far from mastering being parents, but the important thing is that we have realized how important the focus on our marriage really is. We owe it to our children and ourselves to fight for each other and remember to respect each other. We need to set examples on how they should be treating their future partners. Going through hard times constantly in a marriage where your parenting is only a sign of strength not weakness, because we remember there’s a reason things are hard. We don’t HAVE to love and teach our children to love; we GET to.

We show them that they deserve loyalty. We need to believe in each other when we are struggling to believe in ourselves. When we are happier we also see that through our children, so why wouldn’t we want to put each other as our first priority? Now that we have been focusing on each other more and not just our children, I have a renewal of hope that we are going to survive this thing they call parenting. Even though we have grown into different versions of ourselves, we will continually desire to get to know one another along this journey. We strive to show our children that true love grows and it takes nurturing- and our commitment will always be greater than our differences or our flaws.

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