The Day I Cried Over a Car

We’ve had our Honda Pilot for eight years. It has been an extremely reliable car requiring no major or unexpected maintenance. I enjoy driving it and it meets the needs of our four-person family. I love my Pilot, but alas it’s getting older and nearing the 100,000-mile mark. So after the last oil change a few months back and a recommended $1500 “tune up,” on top of the fact that it needs new tires, my husband brings up the idea of trading it in for a new car.

So I think, let’s get a new Pilot, but now with captain’s seats in the middle row for easier access to the third row. With two car seats in the middle row, the only feasible way to get into the third row is to climb through the back of the vehicle, which my 6’1” husband has successfully done!

A few days later, as the whole family loads into the Pilot, he drops the bomb, “I think we should get a minivan.” I am sure a look of complete horror came over my face, followed by a resounding, “NO,” and my eyes then well up with tears as we began to discuss this idea.

As I am sure many of you can relate, I am of the anti-minivan generation. No way was I going to drive a minivan and become a soccer mom. My 21-year-old self is shaking her head in disappointment right now. My husband is rambling on about the benefits: the space, the sliding doors, the captain’s seats in the second row, the all-wheel drive. During all of this, a highlight reel of what I thought my life would be like is running through my mind and nowhere in it is a minivan. So the waterworks begin. My husband thinks I’m bawling over a car.

But, it is not the car so much as the realization that this is my life. I am a stay-at-home mom (for the most part) who is going to buy a mini-van. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. I love my job, I’m good at my job, and I worked my entire life before having the twins. But circumstances dictated that I needed to stay home, and like any mom, I put the needs of my family first. I was never moving back to Duluth but here I am, back where I never thought I would be. I enjoy gettingdressed up and love wearing heels; I won’t say never, but you don’t get to do that much when you stay at home. And I was never going to drive a minivan. When I told my mom the news, she was kind enough to remind me of that fact.

I’ve been adjusting to all of this and it really isn’t so hard when I realize how blessed I am to spend this time with my daughters. I’ve never missed a “first,” I’ve never not been there to kiss a boo boo or comfort them when they need it, and I never have to miss a bedtime or the simple smiles and laughter that makes parenting worth all the heartache. I will never regret the time I’ve gotten to spend with my daughters.

So back to the minivan, I have many friends who swear by their vans and tell me I will love it once I have it. Thus, a few days later, I come to my senses and go car… van… shopping with my husband. Through gritted teeth I admit that it is what our family needs. I despise eating my own words and I hate when my husband is right. I admit that after much searching and test-driving, I do like the convenience and spaciousness of the minivan and am sure that after the first road trip I will become a convert. It was settled; I would become a grown-up and buy a van.

The day we traded in the Pilot and picked up the Sienna was harder than I thought. Not because I was still consumed by my own selfishness but rather due to the history we had with the vehicle. I chose the Pilot for our family eight years ago when we unexpectedly moved to San Diego with our infant son and two dogs. At the time, the Pilot was the best choice for us, as it fit a car seat in the second row and an extra large dog crate for our 100-pound lab mix and 25-pound beagle with room to spare in the back. I didn’t expect to be flooded with those memories, and when one of my daughters said, “I miss my old car,” I thought, “Me too.” It is just another door closing on a past that I don’t want to part with but that is a story for another time.