I just entered this strange new world a few weeks ago. From the moment we met there was this great energy coming from you and you looked so happy. You still look happy and have a great energy most of the time but sometimes you seem frustrated and I know it’s because of some of the things I do. I know that having a baby is a big change in your life. Being born was also a big change in my life, and sometimes between the late nights and limited sleep, it’s easy to forget that. I wanted to write you this letter because I know it’s been a long time since you were born and I want you to understand me a little bit better.
I spent nine long months inside your tummy. I know you don’t remember what it’s like in there but I do. It’s warm. It’s confined – in a good way. It’s always moving and rocking. And it’s quite loud – I could hear your heart beating all day, every day! It’s a pretty cool experience.
Then one day, everything changed.
I went from naked to clothed. I went from being confined in positioning and movement to loose and free (I know when you’re older, but for me, for now, it isn’t). I went from warm to experiencing feeling cold.. I can’t say I like that feeling. I started experiencing hunger and having to work for food. I started experiencing pain. The smells are different. The sounds are different. I can’t hear your heartbeat anymore – I miss that sound. It’s all pretty scary. And the worst part? I can’t do anything to help myself. If I’m cold or hungry or scared or lonely all I can do is cry for some help.
I wish I could tell you what I need when I’m crying. I wish I could fix my problems by myself, but I can’t. I was designed to be cared for, and you were designed to care for me. I could not survive without a caretaker – what you do for me is a big deal! You have a truly amazing super power and responsibility in taking care of me.
It’s not always easy or fun – you know that and I know that… but this stage won’t last all that long. With your love, care, support, and guidance I will get older and become more and more independent. It may not always seem like it but someday you will long for these days. I will probably go through a phase where I’m too embarrassed to hug you, where everything you say annoys me, where you go entire days without seeing me and where I spend so much time at my best friend’s house I could just as well live there (don’t worry, these will only be phases!). And eventually… I will move out and start my own family too. I won’t be a baby for long, and every day that goes by brings me a day further away from being a baby and a day closer to getting big.
I know there are times when I’m crying and you don’t know what’s wrong. You try everything and I’m still crying. You want to give up and let me cry it out. I know you’re only upset because you want to help and feel like you should be able to help me, but not every problem can be immediately fixed. If you can’t fix the problem, know you are not the first mom nor will you be the last – but I still feel comforted being with you while I cry, know that. We have a communication gap between us, that can be frustrating sometimes, for us both.
One lesson I will inevitably learn in life is that everyone feels feelings, the good and the bad, and it’s okay for you to not always be happy. And it’s okay for me to not always be happy too. I went through a really scary change and I really need your love and comfort as I adjust to this crazy new world. Thank you for everything you do for me, I do notice it! I love you and I trust you and I hope you will help me adjust to my new world with open arms and an open heart.
I hope you can enjoy every moment with me – even the trying moments – and I hope you will remind me of all these things when I am caring for my children.