The Real Multiples Milestones

Milestones.  Rolling Over.  Crawling.  Walking.  Talking.  Firsts.  The feeling of pure joy when your baby coos for the first time.  The elation of being the recipient of your baby’s first smile.  The excitement “We have a walker!”  These are precious memories to be recorded and not forgotten.  I have an entry in my iPhone notes dedicated to my daughters’ milestones lest I forget them.

But in the world of multiples, there are milestones that you might not think to record on video or write down for future reference.  Reflecting on my experience as a mother of twins, I realized the real multiples milestones are not the typical ones.  These are the milestones that rock you to your core in good ways and bad.  They make you a stronger person and above all a better mother.   

To the singleton mother reading this, I am sure you can relate to many of these moments, as many are struggles we face as parents in general.  I take nothing away from your journey and your milestones, I only can address the impact having two at once had on me.  And to the mother of multiple multiples, the chaos is beyond my imagination.  I say all the time that I have no idea how people manage with triplets or more without live-in help!  Nonetheless, I hope every mother will find some commonality with these eight milestones.

#1 Being discharged from the hospital.  

Also known as “holy shirts and pants day” (thanks to Wedding Crashers for that fitting phrase).  Your world is about to be rocked!  Say goodbye to sleep and your sanity.  This day comes at different times for mothers of multiples.  Some multiple newborns are lucky enough to be discharged with their mother while others often have brief or extended stays in the NICU.  In our case, one daughter was discharged with me while the other remained in the NICU for five weeks.  Regardless of when this day occurs, it is a day you will never forget as your life will never be the same.  

“Holy shirts and pants!”  The laundry is never ending.  Bottles are everywhere.  Receiving blankets are strewn around the house.  Wipes, diapers, and hand sanitizer in just about every room, always within reach.  Boppy pillows on the couch instead of throw pillows.  Breast pump in the bathroom on display for all guests to admire.  And somewhere in the middle of the disarray is one exhausted mama, but all infants are alive and well.  First milestone, check!

#2 When they sleep through the night.  

Hello sanity, there you are.  This is a milestone for every parent, but with multiples, it is that much sweeter.  This is the point when your ability to function like a normal human being begins to return.  Sleep deprivation literally makes you feel drunk on a daily basis, the ability to think rationally disappears.  Since a double dose of postpartum hormones are already running amuck causing unwarranted bouts of crying or frustration, lack of sleep only enhances these emotions.  The first time all of your multiples sleep through the night, you awake astonished and a little confused as to why you feel so incredible this morning.  And then you realize you slept for more than two consecutive hours at a time.  What a wonderful day to be alive!

#3 When your attire in public isn’t quite right.

I promised myself that I would at least get dressed every single day.  Some days it didn’t happen until 2 or 3 in the afternoon but I did succeed.  However, there comes a time amid the hustle and bustle of everyday life with multiples that you will go out in public sporting less than desired attire.  For me, it was over a year after the twins were born and I find myself at the gym on the ab machine.  I look down and notice something is not quite right with my pants.  Intrigued, I investigate further and discover my pants are on inside out!  The worst part is I am on the last rotation, I have been at the gym for almost an hour with my pants on inside out.  Awesome.  You’ve reached another milestone.

#4 When you regain control.  

So many aspects of my life were entirely out of my control since birthing twins, I needed to feel that I was in control of some portion of my life.  I stopped breastfeeding when my girls were just shy of six months old.  Well, technically I never breastfed, I pumped and bottle fed my girls.  My daughter in the NICU had an NG Tube (feeding tube through the nose) so I had to pump for her.  Her sister at home was not cooperative and would not latch appropriately.  Since I had to pump for one, I pumped for two.  As we closed in on the six-month mark, I needed to reclaim my body for me.  So for me, this milestone was stopping breastfeeding.  Whatever yours is, know that deciding to do something to reclaim a piece of who you were before birthing multiples is 100% acceptable.

#5 Being able to use a saucer and/or jumper.  

From about four to nine months, Baby Einstein and Fisher Price were my best babysitters.  My girls would play in their saucer and jumper for extended periods of time and they were contained!  Every mother knows that feeling of panic when you look around the room and one (or all) of you multiples are missing.  These irreplaceable toys gave me peace of mind a few times throughout the day.  Peace of mind is priceless among the chaos of multiples motherhood.

#6 Eating solid food.  

My daughter had the feeding tube until she was five months old.  Feeding her required an attempted bottle feed first and then a slow dispersion of the remaining milk through the NG Tube.  A process that took approximately an hour each time.  Since she was eating every three hours, that meant completing this process eight times a day.  That’s eight hours per day dedicated to feeding just one of my children, that’s a typical work day of Just. Feeding. One. Daughter. Hallelujah for introducing solid foods!  Eating solid food means strapping your multiples to a chair immobilizing them.  Right there is reason enough to call this a major multiples milestone.  But on top of that, solid food means less bottle feeds and fuller stomaches leading to better sleeping.  Another milestone, check!

#7 The first successful errand run.

I’ll be honest, I don’t think I went anywhere other than the doctor’s office with both girls alone until they were one year old.  Whenever you are brave enough to venture to the grocery store or Target solo with your multiples, that in itself is a milestone.  When no one cries uncontrollably (you or your multiples), there are no emergent diaper changes, you find a large enough cart quickly and easily transfer your multiples to said cart, and purchase everything on your list (well, let’s be real you don’t have time to make a list, so as long as you get something you came for) you have successfully navigated another multiples milestone.

#8 Earning the title “Double Trouble” or “Triple Threat” (I can not even fathom a title for multiples higher than three!).  

To truly earn this honor, your multiples must engage in an activity worthy of picture-taking, Facebook-posting, tweeting, and bringing you to the brink of tears (either from laughing or frustration).  I awarded my girls this honor at 18 months old when they decided to slather themselves, hair included, in Vaseline the week of my brother’s wedding (they were the flower girls).  It began with endless giggles coming from the other room and ended with two greased pigs in the bathtub for hours every day for a week soaking in Dawn.  They upheld this honor when they pulled the Christmas tree down at 22 months.  And just in case someone wanted to steal their title, even at 3 1/2 they find ways to secure the distinction such as drawing a family picture on the walls of my office.  These moments are absolutely priceless and your badge of honor as a mother of multiples.  Wear it with pride!

The days are long and the years are short during motherhood.  My multiples are approaching four years, and I have no idea where the time went.  In the moments leading up to these milestones, the pandemonium of it all consumed me but now looking back with fondness, I wouldn’t change a thing!