September of 2017 was the beginning of another chapter in our household. My wife and I decided that it would be best for her to work full time and for me to quit my part time job and be the stay-at-home parent. I always dreamed of being a stay-at-home Dad! Okay, I’m kidding. I always thought that I’d be the one providing for our family. But now I get to be the one to provide in a much different, but satisfying way. Never did I think that I would be the one home with three little ones climbing all over me. My emotions (yes, guys do have emotions) were all over the place. I was nervous, excited, and not sure what to expect.
I grew up in a household where my father worked a lot and my mom stayed home with us kids. She did the dishes, cooked the meals, and just about everything else you could think of. Never did I think that I would be the one to do all of this with my own children because growing up it was always my mom who was the stay-at-home parent. I started my new role struggling with my own insecurities. I would think to myself that I was less of a man because I was the one staying home not providing for my family. I worried about what working men thought of me because I was staying at home. My own insecurities and perceptions of what it was like to be a stay-at-home dad had me off to a rough start.
It made me realize that I needed to find some kind of support; some kind of stay-at-home dad group so that I could have someone to talk to who understood me. I went to Facebook thinking that I could find something. I typed in Stay at Home Dad Groups in Duluth, MN into the search bar but for some reason the answer I got surprised me: “Sorry, there were no results found.” It surprised me because, if you’re a mom, there’s a good chance you can find many different groups for other like-minded moms (fitness groups, book studies, play dates, etc…) so I figured there was something for dads, too. After some more searching I wasn’t able to find anything local. I’d really have to dig deep to make sure that my kids got involved with other kids somehow, some way. It also made me realize that I would have to do extra searching for myself to make sure I found connections with other stay-at-home dads.
I started going to different events in town with the kiddos and there were moms everywhere. Very rarely did I see another stay-at-home dad. To be honest, it was tough! It was slightly intimidating walking into a room full of women. However, I know that it’s important for my kids to get out and socialize. I know that it’s important for them to spend time with other kids their age but all of this comes more challenges than maybe a mom would face.
Being that there aren’t many stay-at-home dads, I’m usually setting up a play date with another mom. I have to make sure that it’s someone I trust. I have to make sure that my wife knows and is okay with it. I have to make sure that their spouse is someone that trusts me and is okay with it. The simple idea of having a playdate takes more energy than maybe a stay-at-home mom would need to use. I struggled with this at first, and honestly still do sometimes. Being a stay-at-home dad can feel very isolating. But there’s hope!
Being a stay-at-home parent can be tough. It might feel more difficult to be a stay-at-home dad but the reality is that it doesn’t have to be. Yes, there are definitely more stay-at-home moms out there than stay-at-home dads but you have to be willing to seek out community just like any other parent. I personally love being a stay-at-home dad. I love being home with my kids every day and watching them grow. Of course, mom misses out on all the fun we are having but this is what works best for us right now. Even today as my wife goes back to work for the first time after having our third, all the worry and nerves start all over again but I know I’m going to be okay. My wife even looked and me and smiled and as she walked out the door and said, “just survive.” I know that, as a stay-at-home dad, I have my own unique set of challenges, but I’ll survive. I’ll be okay. It’s time to rock this stay-at-home dad life.
Zach was born and raised in northern Minnesota. He is a stay-at-home dad with three kids that he and his wife call “a joyful handful.” He loves spending time outdoors, going on crazy adventures with his family, and drinking coffee in the morning while the kids are calm.
You got this! You guys rock!
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