Oh Those Middle School Years

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My daughter is starting middle school this year. She is so excited – excited for being able to switch classes, meet new friends, get involved in new activities, and best of all in her eyes – more freedom! 

For me, it just means adding more things to worry about. 

I vividly remember middle school. I remember coming from a very small Catholic School and for the past six years there had been 20 of us together in each grade. I knew all the teachers and all the teachers knew me. We were a pretty close knit group, but at the same time we had been more or less forced to be with each other.   

Oh Those Middle School Years | Duluth Moms Blog

I can totally related to my daughter’s excitement. Middle school meant new activities (and no more church during the day – all of you who went to catholic school understand this I know!). It also meant the opportunity to expand my network of friends. Where would I fit in? Would I become one of the “popular kids”, or would I be considered one of the “smart kids”, or would I end up being one of the “metal kids”. I think I actually bounced between all of these groups at one point in middle school. I wanted to try out new friendships, but at the same time school was really important to me. I may have bounced from group to group, but I started to find a group that had a lot of the same goals I did. Those goals included getting good grades, giggling over boys, drooling over teen beat, and jamming out to the hair bands. (I know I’m dating myself here).

And I remember the drama, the drama that comes with being a middle school girl. I wish I could take away the pain that I know my daughter will experience because of girl drama.

I remember writing notes about each other, folding them a certain way, and then I remember not talking to them because of drama. I distinctly remember a phone conversation laying on my parent’s bed and call waiting beeped in; it was the worst game of telephone ever. Conversations had been misinterpreted, feelings had been hurt, and words had been said in anger. I remember crying that night, wondering who I was going to talk to, where was I going to sit at lunch, was it time to find a new friend group, and what was I going to do. Thankfully, things worked out. 

Man, middle school was hard. But it was also so much fun.

There were the school dances; the ones where we stood as far apart as we could dancing to Chicago’s “Will You Still Love Me”,  or Journey’s “Faithfully”, or Cinderella’s “Don’t Know What You Got”. And there were the sporting events – wearing the guys’ football jerseys and traveling to play volleyball, basketball, or softball games in other towns. It was my first taste of freedom, going to Larry’s Pizza to hang out and play Night Ranger’s “Sister Christian” on the jukebox over and over again on the weekends. It was bonding with new classmates over how bad your math teacher’s breath was or how many times you could restart the VHS movie when the sub walked out of the room. I’m pretty sure the good parts of middle school outweighed the terrible, dramatic parts. 

My wish for my daughter as she starts middle school this year

  • Expand your friendships – seek out those friends who are as passionate about life as you and this also means start growing your group to include a mix of boys and girls. The bigger your group the better, the more variety the better! 
  • Give your teachers a break – they have to teach hundreds of drama filled middle school students
  • Try new things – seek out new clubs and activities that you enjoy (and from my point of view keeps you out of trouble)
  • Question things, push your boundaries, explore new things – stay true to who you are while learning more about the world around you
  • Be kind to others – middle school is hard! Don’t make it harder by participating in the gossip or the games that end up hurting others
  • And finally, give your mom a break! She loves you very much, remembers what it was like to be in middle school, and only wants what best for you. (And no that doesn’t mean another $50 to go shopping). 

As parents, we need to try and remember what it was like to be in middle school. We may not have had social media, but we had spiral notebooks that contained notes that were sent back and forth. We may not have had group texting, but we had three way calling and call waiting. And we all had that awkwardness that comes with the hormones that we all go through doing those years. 

I hope when my daughter is in her forties, she can look back and realize how lucky she was in middle school to have found a group of friends that lifted her up. Because looking back, I had an amazing group of friends in middle school that I still keep in touch with today – thanks to social media.

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Tonya
Three years ago, Tonya would have never imagined answering to the name of Grandma, at the age of 40, but that was before she met her husband, Tom. They have a blended family with 8, yup 8 children from age 10-28, with a 5 year-old granddaughter, a 1 year-old grandson and a 3 month granddaughter. She's grateful that she has found her tribe in Duluth. Through her fitness journey, she launched her own wellness coaching business, SchillerLand Wellness to help other women learn to love their bodies through fitness, nutrition and personal development. She, along with a couple of friends are launching a new food service business opening in April 2018. Check out my Facebook page SchillerLand Wellness for more information.