How I Do It All

How I Do It All | Duluth Moms Blog

I am one of those “working moms” you hear about on TV.

You know, the kind that gets up at a God-forsaken hour, goes into the bathroom, carefully lights her hair on fire, yells at her one thousand children to STOP DOING THE MACARENA THE BUS WILL BE HERE IN THREE MINUTES, smearily draws on something resembling lipstick, and leaves for the day.

While I am away from my perfectly manicured home in which everything functions and nothing is dirty (wrong), I work at a job I enjoy. I take pictures of tiny humans and couples in love. I capture 17 year olds poised to spring from the nest, and professionals trying to look a little less tired.

How I Do It All | Duluth Moms Blog{ Photo Credit: Kellie Rae Studio }

The fact that I have one thousand children, a house, a business, and two giant horse dogs, causes people I meet to frequently ask me a question. HOW DO YOU DO IT ALL, SHARON? HOW? How do you answer all the emails and edit all the pictures and snuggle all the children and brush all the dogs and smear on all the lipsticks?

Over my lengthy career of being a “working mom,” I have developed a foolproof strategy.  I thought about creating an e-course that I would charge $299 for, but really REALLY want to help people, so I am giving away my wisdom FO’ FREE.

Ready? Here we go.

  1. I raised my children right. I taught them to never sass me and to always be obedient, to only cry if they have a severed appendage, and to never, under any circumstances, fight with each other. This works approximately 6% of the time, give or take.
  2. I always get plenty of sleep. My special time management clock (I prefer the iPhone 7 model)  beeps to let me know it’s time to go home for the day. I ignore the alarm and attempt to finish up “a few more things.” When I do make it home, I eat some foods and read some books to my offspring and talk so sweetly and calmly for the 40th time about why 15 year olds can’t go to rap concerts alone 150 miles away, and then I drink some coffee. Once my baby ducklings are safely tucked into their cozy beds, which they know better than to ever leave until morning, I go back to my job to be a “working mom” once more. There I gleefully complete all the challenges the Good Lord has provided me with, until I return to my immaculate home around midnight. I find myself gently drifting to off to sleep on a cloud of fulfilled dreams until it is time to arise and light my hair on fire approximately three minutes later.
  3. In the words of Violet Crawley on Downton Abbey, (to be read with an aristocratic British accent): “What is a week-END?” Because I’ve been graciously provided with a multitude of challenges to overcome, I also enjoy accomplishing them most of Saturday and also most of Sunday.  This is normal and natural and how it must be.
  4. I have other people complete some of the challenges I have been honored with. People like my husband, who drives our minions to one trillion activities, does much of the grocery procurement and the heating of the foods. People like my cleaning person who scrubs the 100 year old hardwood floors of my studio on her hands and knees. People like my mother who can be a backup picker upper and dropper offer. This is the key to Sharon’s do-it-all plan: you have to have someone else do the driving, shopping, cleaning, cooking. Then and only then will you truly be doing it all.

Let’s recap, shall we?

— Work a lot

— Someone else does most of the other things

Legitimately, the only way for me to do it all would be to sleep zero hours a night. I had a time in my life where I tried pulling these shenanigans: I got up at 2:00 AM to work and went to bed around 10:00 PM. I figured I could sleep when I was dead.

I soon realized the error of my ways. Shenanigans ended. Normal bedtime and sanity ensued.

So, if you are a “working mom,” like me, stop trying to do it all. Let me give it to you straight: something must give. You can decide whether you want to hire people to help you if you don’t have a significant other with a flexible job, or you can decide to lower your standards because the system is rigged. You were never meant to do it all.

Maybe that means eating frozen pizza more nights a week. Maybe it means an Instant Pot, a package of taco seasoning, and some frozen chicken breasts. Maybe that means your children take two baths a week instead of seven. Maybe that means the laundry sits in the dryer overnight so you can get 20 extra minutes of sleep. Maybe that means you ignore the dust bunnies in the corner for a time because it helps your kids build immunity. Maybe that means you stop feeling guilty about walking through Target with Starbucks for an hour alone.  Maybe that means you don’t blow dry your hair (we’ve already established I don’t care about that), maybe that means you are on day three with dry shampoo. Maybe that means you uninstall Pinterest from your phone, because who has time to DIY one more thing?

But for the love of sweet baby Moses in a basket,  lower your standards because the system is rigged and we were never meant to do it all.

And that, my friends, is my FO’ FREE workshop.

Good night and Amen.

2 Responses to How I Do It All

  1. Rachel Lawhorn January 30, 2018 at 11:39 am #

    Lol. You and I could be friends. 🙂 Love this.

  2. Diana February 2, 2018 at 3:13 pm #

    This had me laughing SO HARD! Thank you for sharing this . . . fo’ free.