Advice to My Grandson’s Mother

To the mother of my beautiful grandson, Rowan, thank you! Thank you for reminding me what it feels like to be a mom for the first time, for making my heart swell with love from the moment I met him, and for realizing what an awesome gift it is to be called “Grandma.”

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imaged at the age of 41, our family would consist of eight children, a three-year old granddaughter, a new grandson and some pretty awesome significant others of our children. Two years ago, I was a single mom with two young children, and today I have the big family I always wanted.

Advice to My Grandson's Mother | Duluth Moms Blog

I am so proud to be surrounded by all our craziness even with some of the chaos that blended parenting brings. That’s what is cool about God’s plan. Sometimes your detour takes you on a path you never realized you were supposed to be on, but the moment you find it, it was where you were meant to be. Everyday, I’m thankful for the family that Tom has brought into my life, especially to you, Brittany, the mother of my beautiful grandson. 

Advice to My Grandson's Mother | Duluth Moms Blog

I remember the exact moment when Lydia, my firstborn, entered this world. I never knew love could be so simple and strong until I held her for the first time. I remember laying awake long after she fell asleep just to watch her breathe. Often times wondering, will I be a good mom, will I provide her with everything she needs, will she know the love that surrounds her? 

Tonight,  I heard singing coming from Lydia’s room long after her bedtime. Instead of telling her to shut off her music and go to bed, I stopped what I was doing so I could lay with her, stroke her hair and listen to her soft breathing as she fell asleep snuggled in my arms. My heart swelled with love; love for her sweet voice and for her ability to negotiate to stay up way longer than she should. Most importantly, for the fact that at age 11, she still wants to snuggle with her mom. Someday, I thought, she will be coming to you on advice about being a new mom. She has a great role model in you. I knew from the moment we met that you were going to make a wonderful mom.

Advice to My Grandson's Mother | Duluth Moms Blog

Today, you are tired; you may have slept a total of four hours in the last 36 hours. It probably feels like all he does is eat, sleep and poop. You might still be hoping to take a shower. It’s ok! These first few weeks are all about you and him bonding. So tonight, when you start worrying about the dishes or doing some laundry, stop! Your job right now is to spend every precious moment with Rowan because before you know it, he’ll be in his room up way too late. 

It takes a village to raise a child, so let us help. Let us swing by with food. Sit back and rock that precious boy while your friends do the dishes. Maybe tomorrow will be the day you get to do your hair and put on makeup; you might consider a quick rinse in the shower as victorious for the day. Hold him, snuggle him, and take lots of pictures. Make sure you carve out time for just the three of you; this is your time to create that lasting family bond.

Advice to My Grandson's Mother | Duluth Moms Blog

Because in the end, all that matters is love – the love that created him and the love you have for him. There will be times when you aren’t perfect. Learn from it and try to do better next time. It’ll be ok. What matters is that Rowan will know he is loved. In 11 years, I know you will be laying next to him with the same amount of love and pride for the person he has become.

I am grateful for you, for reminding me how important our village full of love is to our world. 

2 Responses to Advice to My Grandson’s Mother

  1. Shellie November 15, 2016 at 12:05 pm #

    Oh, Tonya, what a lovely gift this essay was to me! I have two amazing sons, 22 & 24. While raising them has been the greatest joy and challenge of my life, I’ve always been a bit sad that I will never have a daughter who will have a child that I may share her joys and struggles of mothering. Thank you for reminding me that someday my young men may bring home a lovely young woman like Rowen’s mother. I will envelope her in our family and shower her with all the love I’ve saved for a daughter. Hopefully I’ll be part of a village, and share her joys and struggles of parenting. Thank you!

  2. Kim Huettl December 1, 2016 at 8:59 am #

    Tonya – I LOVE that you are a grandma before me!! JK – what a beautiful piece. You are an amazing woman, and I cannot WAIT to hear more about your adventures. Best to your new, amazing blended family.