Single Parenting Through the Holidays

3

Single Parenting Through the Holidays | Duluth Mom

There are very few of us who grow up with the dream to become a single parent one day. Rather, single parenting is often the byproduct of life taking us down a road that we hadn’t planned for. Each of our stories look different, yet, even as the intricate circumstances of failed love resonates differently in our hearts and memories, we all share the common bond of one strong truth: Our deep love for our children and an unyielding drive to be the best parent we can be for them.

The holidays, abounding with great expectations, are no exception to our hope that we can provide for our children the joy and experiences they are anticipating. However, for most of us, our pocket books do not correspond with the exuberance in our hearts to meet those great expectations. Children have such a beautiful gift for believing that the impossible is totally possible. (Yet, somewhere along the way on our road to adulthood, we give up the idea of living full-time at a water park and having a pony reside in our living room, though this sounds totally acceptable to my kids!)

Vividly, I remember the first Christmas my children and I were on our own, with that realization very fresh and heavy in our hearts. On a snowy Sunday after church, my children relentlessly petitioned that this was the day we must find a tree. So after rocking the dollar menu for lunch, which is often my habit after wrangling four young children through the rigors of being presentable for the Sunday service (and by presentable, I mean wearing socks and hoping we get there with matching shoes), I conceded to the tree event.

I pulled into a fresh Christmas tree lot and told the children to wait in the car while I went to scan the potential candidates. My heart sunk when I discovered that the most homely looking tree on the lot was $40 plus tax. The Christmas cheer in my wallet was not prepared for that! I trudged back to the car and broke down in tears. My kids sat silent as I proclaimed that there was just no way I could fork out $40 for a dead tree.

Now let’s pause a second. The single mamas reading this know that the tree was not the actual problem, but rather the straw that broke the camel’s back, as we like to say. I was filled with disappointment that I thought I had let down my kids even while trying so hard to give them a great Christmas alone. As I pondered the tree dilemma, my children solemnly proclaimed that they did not need a Christmas tree this year. And that is when the “mama wheels” churned inside my cluttered mind and came up with a seemingly impractical but, nevertheless, possible solution. We’d just chop down our own tree!

I had access to a small plot of personal property so the tree chopping event became the most viable solution to cultivating that cozy Christmas atmosphere for my family. After bundling up in our winter attire and stopping at the hardware store for a $7 handsaw, we embarked on our search-and-retrieve mission for our first, hard-earned, hand-cut Christmas tree. I cringe to admit it, but I may have a little bit of the “go big or go home” mentality when it comes to things like this.

Single Parenting Through the Holidays | Duluth Mom

We raised our eyes to the tallest tree tops to find the prettiest pine reaching up towards the heavens. When we all agreed on the perfect tree, I found a safe spot for my kids to spectate and then said a prayer (or several) for strong muscles and physical fortitude. As you can imagine, if you’ve gone through any heartache or injustice of your own, there were so many parallels running through my mind for inspiration!

At last, the tall pillar started to creak and lean. And, with my oldest catching this monumental memory on video, the tree toppled to the ground with the final stroke of the saw blade. Victory was ours! My heart leaps every time I go back and watch that video, as I hear my daughter declare with amazement and pride, “Whoa! That’s my mom!” That proclamation alone made it all worth the effort!

This holiday season, we celebrated our fourth anniversary of what we call “The Tree Chopping Event.” Over the past few years, we have transformed it into an anticipated occasion, one we share with our friends, enjoying a campfire, hot cocoa, and roasted treats to round out the night. What originated as a desperate quest to not fail at meeting my children’s desires has helped to create a precedent that I try to remind myself when I believe I am not measuring up.

That the holiday magic comes–not from a shiny package–but from the intentional process of creating it with the resources we have. Through these past few years, that has been an ever-present quest, continuously challenging my creative process. Whether it’s Christmas stockings sewn out of old sweaters, shining up second-hand toys, or succeeding at creating another variation of the frugal scrambled eggs dinner.

Single Parenting Through the Holidays | Duluth Mom

Wherever the holidays find you this year, in your heart and in your life, my hope is that you find joy in the process rather than the package. In the end, the toys will break, the new clothes will be outgrown, and the tree will come down. It is the joy that we make together that will be preserved. There will always be things about “the package” that we would like to change. Some circumstances in our lives are easier to change than others, but it is in the day-to-day process that we are given the gift and challenge to be intentional and present every morning we wake up and get our rosy-cheeked babes ready to face the world. Find joy in your process this season and be blessed! Merry Christmas! 


Kelly is a single mom of four strong, courageous kids. She and her children live in Duluth and enjoy all the nature this area has to offer. Together they love to build things and create art, music and much out of little. They live by the sign above their dinner table: “There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.”

3 COMMENTS

  1. This piece is such an inspiration to all the single moms out here. Thank you so much for sharing this amazing story. Any single mom knows that fear as we face something that “Daddy always did”. I love how the moment of triumph was captured so you can relive it over and over again.

Comments are closed.