In my mind I was making it work, but in my heart I was completely broken. I needed a solution, and fast. There were sleepless nights and long days of thinking the same thing over and over again.
With the passing of my grandmother this past Fall, I started reflecting on my life while celebrating hers. I thought long and hard about what I wanted and I realized that I wasn’t fully fulfilled in my heart. I had an ache that hadn’t gone away in over three years. My grandma’s passing reminded me just how precious life was and that nothing, not even the smallest thing, should be taken for granted.
Being overly hormonal and sad at the same time can be a dangerous combination. Losing my grandma just weeks after giving birth to my daughter, I tried not to be overly rash when thinking through my situation. Reflecting on one life beginning and another one ending was absolutely beautiful, yet extremely heartbreaking at the same time. As I held my new baby in my arms I knew in my heart this time would be different. I would follow my heart for once in my life and I wouldn’t let the sick feeling in my gut hold me back. I was finally ready to do it.
Let me explain…
When I had my first baby, I struggled every single day I dropped him off at daycare. It felt like three months had flown by in a flash and I was now being ripped away from my baby for 9+ long hours a day. I thought that was just how life had to be. You went to work, dropped your baby off at daycare, came home and repeated it all over again for five days in a row and then finally got a weekend to be together. Every mom felt that way right?! I suppressed my true feelings and kept moving forward with life. When I look back, I’m saddened at how much I missed, but I’m also proud I was able to support our family of three through that time.
Fast forward three years later when the second baby arrived, I could no longer ignore my longing to spend more time with my now two children. I did NOT want to put myself through what I did last time. Work needed me, but my children, they NEEDED me so much more.
How many times have we heard the saying that life is to short? How many times have we been told to take a risk? Do something that will make you happy just once. Follow your heart. These are all things we often think or say but very seldom act upon.
The day I decided to take my own advice was finally here. In the back of my mind I kept thinking “Am I actually going to do this?”. The thought gave me goosebumps. When the words, “I’m going to resign from my position” came out of my mouth, a sense of panic washed over me. I’ve had a job since I was 11 years old. Eleven! Working was my identity. What would I do without that? Who would I be? Would I be ok? Would I miss working?
The more I thought about it, I realized I would still be working since my hobby of baking had grown into a full time job. Oh and raising two little kids is a full time job as well in case you didn’t know! So all I was really doing was eliminating one full time job out of three. I knew I didn’t have enough balance in my life the way it had been the last several years between juggling a full time job, owning a growing business, and raising a family. This was something I thought about for a long time and I finally was taking action on it. How exciting and scary all at the same time. My stomach was in knots.
One lesson that stuck with me through this entire process is that more money can always be made, but time can never be brought back. Once it’s gone… it’s gone… forever. I know grandma would have been proud of my decision. I chose my family because they mean the world to me and I could not be more proud of that decision. I’ll never regret it in a million years.
I officially took the leap back in November and I’ve been loving my decision ever since! My kids are my world and I cannot express how great it feels to be spending more time with them while I can. The first few years of their life are so short and everything is so exciting. Watching them learn and grow is an amazing thing to witness firsthand. Don’t get me wrong: there are hard days, and we are not perfect, but we get through them the only way we know how… together. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time!
If you have never seen Steve Harvey’s jump video please look it up on YouTube. It is very inspirational and it sums up exactly what was going on in my mind when I decided to “jump” for myself. I’ve seen this video several times, but every time I watch it I still get good vibes from it. I hope you do too and if you are on the fence about something in your life, know that many others are there with you. Once you are ready to jump, you will know; and it may just be the most exciting thing you have ever done in your entire life!